The Adventures of Vincent & His Cape
by Mints-n-Apples
Summary: What happend kind of mess can Vincent and his trusty red cape get into, you ask! A lot more than you would have thought...My very 1st fanfic so review & improved! Added two more chapters
1. Not Your Day

**MY ****TOTALLY AWEOSME AUTHOR'S**** NOTES: _This is my VERY FIRST FANFICTION, YO!! 3 ::takes a picture && posts it all over her MySpace:: I was pretty blurry on how to start this weird-o story so if you hate the intro then give some advice when (or if v.v) you review PETTY PEAZ! ;D_**

**The Adventures of Vincent && His Cape**

Chapter 1—Not Your Day!

Vincent Valentine was in Tifa's Seventh Heaven. Why you ask? Sure he was friends with Tifa and all but he thought he'd give his friends the unbelievable joy of seeing the tall vampire stand in the corner of a very social place where he was rarely seen. After all, excessive lonelyness and extreme boredom triggers many odd behaviors . . .

(TIME FOR A FLASHBACK!)

He lay perched on a fallen tree over a bank, one foot hanging limp while the other leg was perched as resting place for his head. Vincent had decided to take a stroll to think about some things but was side tracked. It's not like he could think of anything else to do anyways! He had done everything he knew of doing. He shined his guns and his metal claw, had a private target practice, painted a picture of the lake, beat himself at a game of chess 128 times in a row, read all his books as well as written some, EVERYTHING!

Vincent watched his cape swung limply in that wind with his red wine eyes intently. The cape match the color of his eyes beautifully and the hem of the cape was straight and clean. No tatters or holes to be seen in the thick material.

Keeping his gaze on the cape he drew his gun from his belt. What was he doing? He didn't know anymore. All he knew was that even a little shimmer of something different would be enough to make him jump up and down and clap his hands like a little girl.

With that he pointed the gun at the clean hem of his cape and pulled the trigger a good nine or ten times with a loud BANG leaving distinct bullet holes in his cape.

Now he looked at the tail of his cape. 'Wow,' Vincent thought to himself, 'I must be extremely unoccupied to have done that to my own clothing.' He stared at the now tattered cape with the same expression. "I am so bored." Vincent said in a low, depressed voice to no one particular.

(LET'S GO BACK TO THE PRESENT!)

"Hey Vincent! You look like you're about to fall over there! How about you come sit down? I'll get you a drink." Tifa offered in a friendly voice that seemed to drag him out of his none-too-exciting flashback.

"I think I'm fine where I am. I thank you though for showing such concern and generosity towards me though." Vincent humbly replied back to the young brunette.

"Well, okay. Only if you insist on standing in the corner like a statue," With that Tifa walked off with a tray of drinks to a table of customers.

He stood there, looking around at the extremely crowed bar. From where he stood it looked like the building was packed wall-to-wall with a waitresses with a tray tried to weave herself around each table. He wondered why she just didn't just get a separate building to serve customers in and live in. He continued think, 'You'd think with two jobs you'd pull enough money to--!"

A slight BUMP!, a freezing cold SPLASH!, and a silencing CRASH! cut him off from his thoughts.

He looked down at his now alcohol drenched cape. The front turned from a dark red to almost black color with the liquid and the smell alone teased him on the border line of a future head ache.

"Oh no! Vincent! I'm so sorry! I can't believe I could be so clumsy! I'm truly sorry, Vincent. Here, let me—" Tifa tried to apologize.

"It's perfectly fine, Tifa. Please do not worry about it. It will come out" I hope…

With a sigh he looked at the woman and excused himself out of the bar that was bursting from the seams to go get so fresh air and bid her a good day.

Oh how it was his f&#ing day.

(End of Chapter 1 :B)

**MY TOTALLY AWESOME AUTHOR'S NOTES: _I know this wasn't the funny chapter…Nor was it even the good chapter v.v … But I needed a starting place :D So Vincent's having so troubles keeping stains away…What won't he be able to keep away in the future? Fangirls? Little girls? Creepy old ladies? PLEASE REVIEW!_ **


	2. You Got Punked!

**MY ****TOTALLY AWEOSME AUTHOR'S**** NOTES**

**The Adventures of Vincent && His Cape**

Chapter 2—You Got PUNKED!!

"Hoot…."

An old fat owl sat on his branch hooting outside a dark bedroom window. The moon was big and bright as it shined in the crispy, cool night. The trees were silent and the crickets quietly sang their songs.

"HOOT?!" The owl perked up with flustered brown and white feathers when he thought he saw a black bur climb up the wall to the bedroom window. Shivering with fear the owl could only stare as the small black figure slowly made its way into the window of an unexpected sleeper.

The owl heaved his fat ol' self up off of the branch with a strong flap of his wings and huffed and puffed to a branched closer to the window where he had a perfect view of what was happening…

The stealthy figure that had climbed into the room stood in clear view holding four markers in a small hand as if they were claws. The only think that could be seen the quite dark room was a mischievous grin and wide and evil eyes.

Soft squeaks of marker running along material, soft giggles, and then the sounds of the caps of the markers being snapped back into their places could be heard.

The owl stared with his big ol' yellow eyes shocked at what the obviously young intruder had just accomplished.

Yuffie gave a proud grin and gathered her tools as she looked over her work.

Vincent's once peaceful sleeping face ((his oh-so gorgeous sleeping face)) was now riddled with colorful stars, hearts, mustangs, and glasses. Her grin turned into a small frown-pout as she looked at his coloring book of a face. It just needed one more little thing, but not just any little thing that would complete her master piece, oh no, this sort of job need to be done in something that would get the job done.

The young ninja watched her hand slowly pulled a think black sharpie from her pocket. Yuffie raised the get-down-business sharpie in front of her face with a grinned ear to ear.

She uncapped the black sharpie and couldn't resist a small sniff of the oddly attractive smell of the ink ((oh you know you do that.)). As she moved to tip of the sharpie slowly to Vincent's still sleeping face she held her breath when she heard a soft _Sniff, sniff_ come from the sleeping body under her.

Two pairs of red eyes suddenly open as wide as plates…

Red eyes met brown eyes… Red eyes met sharpie… … … Red eyes grew angry.

"EEEEEEIIIIIK-!" a high pitch squeal came from the window that surprised awoken the sleeping owl.

The owl jump with a "Hoo—HOOT?!!?!!" with a wing over his heart trying to recover from a heart attack. Banging table, furious growls, and a girl begging broke the silence of the night. As soon as the disturbance came a young ninja was angrily thrown from the window at a speed the owl couldn't even react to in time to fly away.

The small body of Yuffie crashed into the owl, sending the two flying high into the sky until Vincent heard a _DING!_ as they disappeared into just a star in the sky ((lawl, get it ;D Like Team rocket x.x;;)).

The extremely pissed off vampire fumed over to his scarlet cape hanging on a chair and furiously tried to whip away the small doodles that were graciously given to him by a hyper active ninja. He was somewhat pleased when he looked in a small mirror and saw that all off the markings had come off but when he looked at his cape he ((CHIBI MODE)) slumped over with his mouth hanging open as a long tear dropped along with a snot drip. He draped the cape over his shoulders and cuddled it while whimpering.

A rainbow mess adored the right shoulder of his already ruined cape.

'Well', he thought to himself, 'I'll just get it clean whenever I get the chance.' With a sigh he carelessly tossed the cape back unto the chair.

A spine cringing _RIIIIIP_! came from the screaming threads of the cape as they were torn apart. The red cape fluttered to the floor short of the chair. Vincent slowly moved his head around to see that his coffin had closed on the end of the cape and roughly ripped the cape's hem off. ((ANOTHER CHIBI MODE?)) Vincent slumped over with his arms dragging by his slide with his jaw dropping clear to the floor with his ghost creeping out of his mouth with a look of pure angst of its face.

(End of Chapter 2 :O)

**MY TOTALLY AWESOME AUTHOR'S ****NOTES: **


	3. Twenty dolla

**MY ****TOTALLY AWEOSME AUTHOR'S**** NOTES: _Sorry about the notes on Chapter 2 && the long wait! (had some writers' block && I'm just busy lately)…I've been having issues when posting the new chapter && the notes mysteriously disappear. If anyone knows what I'm doing wrong to make it disappear then please tell me how to fix it! _** _**Also I apologize for the 'vampire' quote. The views of Chapter 2 reflect neither nor Final Fantasy. I apologize for all the mutant test subjects that sleep in coffins or any vampires that were offended with the comment in the previous chapter. ** **Hopefully I'll get more reviews this time...::HINT HINT:: This chapter is based on the dry cleaners I always go to. My love goes out to you Mrs. Huong 3**_

**_The Adventures of Vincent && His Cape_**

_Chapter 3—Twenty Dolla._

DING!

"Hello. Welcome to Huong Dry Cleaner. You need dry clean?" An elderly woman asked with a heavy accent from the other side of the small counter.

Her hair was gray with age but still think in a bun on top of her head and she wore glasses too large of her eyes that made the woman's eyes look like some surprised animal. Behind her were a rows and rows of clothing wrapped in clear plastic bags along with a large, beat up sewing machine with well over a hundred spools of different colors threads.

The short old woman's wrinkly eyes went straight for the stain of the tall dark headed man's shoulder and the many holes in the tail of his cape like her eyes were some tpye of magent. She gave her new handsome customer a toothy grin…Or at least what teeth she had left…

A red flash of material swooped up before the woman's eyes and gently placed on the counter top without a word. Vincent watched as she quickly grabbed the red material and rubbed the stain with her small callused thumbs, examining the stain. The clicked her tongue against her teeth as she lifted the cape to see the many rips and tears in the piece of clothing.

She started mumbling in her native tongue softly to herself. Vincent eyed the hunched woman... actually afraid what see might do to it.

"You come pick it up Sunday and it is clean as new! I even sew it for you." The small woman told him.

Vincent eyes slightly widen. That would be at least a week without his cape. "Is there any chance you can have it done sooner?" Vincent asked her in monotone. "No. No sooner," she snapped back quickly.

"Unless," the wrinkled old woman dragged while eyeing Vincent with a sly grin on her face, "You wanna pay extra."

Vincent didn't say a word but gave the woman a look. She took it as if he wanted more information. She stroked his red cloak as if it were a pet, "Two-thousand-gil." She replied quickly, "Take it or leave." ((It's supposed to be" Tweny Dolla" but they don't have dollars O.o;; Just keep that in mind…))

He cringed at the price. But it was his trusty cape…

"Fine."

Vincent dug into his pocket and gave the woman the correct amount of gil. She greedily grabbed the money and began counting it at the speed of lightening. Once she counted the last of it she stuffed the gil into her pocket and gave her "I love my customer" smile.

"I have it to you by this tomorrow. Thank you come again!" and not two second after that she turned around to the back and pooped her head behind the rows of plastic covered clothes.

"Nguoi Chong! Bat dau lam sach no Bay gio!" Husband! Clean it now!" she screamed throwing the cape behind the rows followed by a man moaning.

'I feel as though I'm going to regret this…' Vincent thought grimly as he stalked his way out of the glass door.

FIVE MINUTES LATER. . .

DING!

"Yo!" a lanky red haired man and a tall serious looking bald man walked into the small building like they did every week.

"Reno, Rude! Leave your suits on the counter. I get them later." Mrs. Huong greeted excitedly at her regular customer from her sewing machine in the back.

Reno did as she said and none too neatly dumped the blue uniforms on the counter top along with five gil. He turned back around heading towards the door continuing his conversation with Rude, "As I was saying, we really have to find you a toupee or something, yo. You know that's why you haven't gotten laid in years!" Reno babbled on not even bothering to look back at his partner.

Almost out of the door Reno realized Rude hasn't coming with him and turned around to see what was keeping Rude from listening to his advice.

"Isn't that the tall creepy guy's cape thing? You know the guy that hangs out with Cloud and their little gang?" Reno asked. That's when it happened. The day the world ended. A little light bulb turned on in Reno's head. God help us.

"Hey, Huong, do mind I have that red cape thing handing up there, yo?" The young man slurred with a smirk. His smirk turned into a pout when Mrs. Huong gave him a look that said otherwise. But the look she gave turned into an evil grin; "Want to make deal?"

Reno eyed her grin that he knew he'd regret. "What kind of deal are we talking about?" He asked as he stepped closer to the counter. She turned back to her sewing machine and continued her work, "I give you a piece of it. You give me," she though for some time, "Two-thousand-gil. Leave or take." She never looked at him when she told him about the offer.

He cringed. Of course he could afford it on a Turk's salary but because he was Reno he was going to try to find a way to get a cheaper deal. Another idea popped in that red head. The Turk strolled his way past the counter to her cluttered work area then put his hand on her shoulder as she continued to push the material throw machine. He started to rub her shoulders, "How about five hundred gil?"

Mrs. Huong stopped what she was doing and put her finger on her chin pondering the idea. "500 only?" She asked him. He got down to her ear and in a low, sexy voice he whisper "I'll do anything thing you want."

The old woman smirked then as she grabbed him by the collar she told him "I give you the cape for 500. You work for me for five month. Take or leave."

Reno smile, "Course!" _I can go a while without a clean suit...or being any where near this side of the town. Anywhere where she can't find me and put me to work!_

"Deal then!" She got up with her pair of scissors and simply cut the red cape's tattered end off completely. Reno reached for it but she pulled away and stuck out her other hand waiting for the payment. He groaned and put the gil in her hand as she partially threw the cloth at him as she quickly counted the money.

"Thank you! Come again!" She told the two Turks as they left.

TWO HOURS LATER

Rude sat in the bar with a face that read "I'm-going-to-kill-Reno". Reno smirk at him with confidence, "Just wait and see. The ladies will swarm around you, yo." Rude just sunk lower and lower into his seat with a shot glass in hand.

He felt so ridicuious with a piece of Vincent's cape glued to his head. Only Reno could think of something like this.

"Hi." A sweet voice came from behind the bald man hunched over his drink. As Rude turned around his jaw dropped.

Three beautiful young women were looking at the man with a red piece of cloth on his head. "My name is Christina. These are my friends; Lulu and Nikki. We couldn't help but notice you. Have we met?" A blonde haired girl asked Rude with a flirtatious smile.

A grin grew on Rude's face.

A FEW HOURS LATER . . .

Beautiful women from around the town had flocked in to see Rude and were crawling all over him. One woman even sat on his head! ((It's from a joke I heard)) Reno looked at his friend and gave him a thumbs up. Wow, he was a genius.

THE NEXT DAY . . .

Vincent looked at his cape. He looked at Mrs. Huong. He looked back at his cape. "Uhm—"

"Thank you come again!" The lady said as she shoved the cape and Vincent out of her shop. Mrs. Huong sighed to herself after a long day of work and went back to her sewing.

_(End of Chapter 3!)_

**_MY TOTALLY AWEOSME AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was actually one of my more difficult chapters to write :S I actually didn't know where this was going with the dry cleaners but I have the next few chapters palnned out already! _**

**_REVIEW POR FAVOR!_**


	4. Fangirl Squeal!

_**MY TOTALLY AWESOME AUTHOR'S NOTES:**_

_**This was one of my faster updates I think! This is my favorite chapter so far I think. . .**_

**The Adventures of Vincent && His Cape**

Chapter 4—Fangirl squeal!

"Hey Vincent. I know you don't hanging around this place much but I think you know why we ask you to join us…" Cloud looked uneasy as he sat in his chair across from Vincent with Tifa standing beside him with a sympathetic look on her face.

"Do not worry about me, I do not mind at all." Vincent answered coolly from where he stood, "However, I don't know the reasoning why you asked me here tonight."

Cloud clasped his hands on the table and leaned closer towards the ex-Turk ((THAT ONLY LOOKS LIKE A VAMPIRE BUT IS NOT ONE)).

"It's about your sudden weight gain, Vincent. You've nearly tripled in size since the last nice we've seen you!" The blond man suddenly said. "We're only concern for your health, Vincent." Tifa added sweetly with a sad look on her face.

It was true the dark man was now the size of three people combined. The strange thing was that all of his weight was carried around his middle, hidden by his cape.

Vincent gave Cloud a confused look. "My weight?" He didn't feel didn't. In fact, he had come to this place by foot with ease.

The man with the red cloak looked down at himself.

"Oh, you mean this. This is not me." He gestured to himself.

Cloud and Tifa looked at each other both think _Poor guy is in deep denial._

Tifa Stepped forward towards Vincent and replied "Vincent, I know it's kind of embarrassing but…" She trailed off not knowing how to put her point into words.

As if on que Vincent lifted his cape like a bat.

Cloud and Tifa nearly fainted from embarrassment themselves.

So it wasn't weight Vincent was carrying!

"Oh no. I haven't gained weight…Or at least none that I know of… Just fan girls."

Two teenage girls were clinging to the man's waist and just blankly looked at Cloud and Tifa.

Vincent closed his cape back around the girls and closed his eyes. "If this was all you were concerned about I shall take my leave now." And with that the three disappeared. But not without a ear piercing fangirl squeal that left Cloud and Tifa stunned.

(End of Chapter 4!)

**MY TOTALLY AWEOSME AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**_I know, short chapters are lame. I'm getting to the next chapter ASAP..._**

_**BUT I NEED YALLS HELP, YO!**_

_**Do any of you remember the scene with Vincent, Marlene, && Cloud with the glowing trees? Marlene got upset with Cloud && ran to Vincent if that refreshes all of yalls memories...I need the name of the place though to write the next chapter! REPRESENT && REVIEW, YO!**_


	5. Come here little girl

**MY ****TOTALLY AWEOSME AUTHOR'S**** NOTES: **

**_Thank you Kysic for helping me:D && sorry about the wait again…_**

**_My brother got married, I've been dating, we're trying to plan a vacation, . . . Just cahzeh _**

_**I have to warn you that I'm making Vincent into a horrible person in this chapter… It even boosted up the rating from a K+ to a T! ** **Oh baby, baby!**_

**_But remember, it's just comedy so our handsome Vincent is safe :) Oh! && I tried looking everywhere for the scene so I could quote the characters && how a court case sounded like so that took me awhile to update too._**

**The Adventures of Vincent && His Cape**

Chapter 5—Come here little girl

The woods were large and dark expect for the bright trees that seemed to glow in Lost City.

Cloud and Vincent stood talking to one another about the current events that were taking place when they heard the bush ruffle.

The two men stood ready to attack when a little girl ran off from the bushes breathing hard.

"Marlene." Cloud said with a blank expression. The little girl in the white dress flung herself at the blond.

"Cloud! Denzel is…Tifa is!" Marlene tried to explain through her ragged breathing. However, before she could finish the blonde interrupted her, "Tifa is fine." Cloud said bluntly.

The young girl was stubborn; "I want to talk to Tifa!" Marlene demanded. Cloud looked around not knowing what to do.

The tiny girl with a pink bow looked over at the tall red man the stared at the two. "Do you have a phone on you?" she asked.

Vincent simply lifted his cape to one side to show he had nothing. Marlene shrugged, "Can't believe it!" Vincent dropped the limp cloak and let it flow behind his back.

"Vincent, will you take Marlene back to the bar?" Cloud asked. "I'm going to go listen to what ShinRa's have to say," he continued.

"I am unable to comply to that." Vincent quickly replied trying to turn away to escape. "But--!" Cloud argued.

_ LYK OMG!! ISH TYM 4 A FLASHBACK lol _

_"I'm prepared to render a verdict," stated the cool, calm judge. Her hair was a very sandy brown that had streaks of gray through the bobbed hair. Her face was wrinkled while a small frameless pair of glasses hung low on her face._

_Vincent, dressed in a fin suit, waited impatiently for the results as he leaned forward on the table with his hands crossed in front of him anxiously._

_"Is this a question of justice? And the question answers itself: this is an act that could only be committed by a terrible monster. The jury has come to a decision that you, Vincent Huberdale Valentine, are guilty of taking this young child's innocence and trust through perverted acts." The judge told him with a blank expression and bland, boring voice._

_Vincent's face dropped and slumped back into his chair._

_"However," the judge said strongly to be sure to get everyone in the court rooms' attention, "in the fact that no evidence was found to be held against you a serious punishment is not necessary for this case."_

_Vincent sat up straight with a hopeful expression in his eyes._

_"But some sort of punishment must be exchanged. I give you, Mister Valentine, a restraining order against any child between 0-13 years of age. You must keep a distance of ten feet of any children or child. Do you understand your sentence clearly, Mister Valentine?"_

_"Yes, your honor, I do." Vincent replied standing in respect. 'I can do that. It's not like I'm around children that much anyways," he thought._

_"Good. I hear by order this cased closed for farther study. Case dismissed" _

_**BANG BANGBANG!** The judge slammed her desk._

_ FLASHBACK END _

Marlene pushed away from Cloud with a scowl on her face, "I don't care about you anymore, Cloud!"

Children can be so cruel, "Why don't you ever listen to what we have to say?" Her anger turned into a hurt, innocent expression on her adorable face. Before Cloud could respond, however, she ran to Vincent not wanting his reply.

Vincent opened his cape to the little girl even though he knew he shouldn't.

"Marlene." That was the only thing the blond could say to the tiny girl's outburst.

"AHHH!" a high-pitched scream came from inside of Vincent's cape, "CLOUD!" Vincent started to walked away with Marlene.

"Marlene? Marlene, come to uncle Cloud!" Cloud said desperately not knowing if she were in trouble or just trying to get revenge on him by making him look like a fool.

"I can't get out! It's too dark!" another scream came from the red cloak.

"I shall be at Tifa's bar soon. Marlene will be safe with me," with that, Vincent was gone with a pale Cloud. Barrett was going to pull out Cloud's gizzards.

_(End of Chapter 5! Is it the end?)_

**MY TOTALLY AWEOSME AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**_I know a lot of people aren't going to like me for this but I thought it'd be funny :3_**

**_I'd like to inform you, I think this is the end of the whole cape thing//story. I have an idea for Vincent's claw but I don't know if I should wait and make a sequel with his claw or just add it into the next chapter…_**

**_Other than that I'm fresh out of ideas!_**


	6. Fly!

I brought it back! I watched the video of AC again and this scene made me laugh like no tomorrow. It's short though….

* * *

**The Adventures of Vincent's Cape!**

(Chapter 6—Fly!)

They had almost defeated the monster. They were so close.

One blow from Cloud and they would win.

Everyone tossed the blonde higher and higher in the air.

When the blue eyed man was thrown towards Vincent he grabbed he wrist with a strong grip and flung Cloud high, "Fly!!"

The wind raced over Cloud as he was about to reach a ready Tifa. He smiled. They were going to win!

But then suddenly Cloud only saw a red sky and someone grab his arm again with a vice like grip.

"Fall!!" Vincent voice came again as he hovered above a screaming Cloud.

"Fly!!" Vincent threw him up again.

"Fall!!" then down again

"Fly!!" up…

"Fall!" down…

It never seemed to end for Cloud. He flapped his arms furiously and little feathers looked like they were fluttering form the struggle.

The team laughed. The monster laughed. Even the dead citizens laugh!

Cloud looked like someone tossing around a baby chocobo.

(End of the dumb Chapter)


	7. Children

**The Adventures of Vincent's Cape!**

(Chapter 7—Children)

Some…male bonding. Uck…

The boy was so…depressing. More depressing than himself. Why couldn't he look up to happy and cheerful Tifa instead of Angsty McEmo, Cloud?

"So…," Denzel tried to break the silence.

"Hm," Vincent started to walk away but the red material suddenly tighten around his neck and refused to give. Vincent fell to the ground.

He looked and saw the Denzel was standing of the tail of the cape just looking down of the old man.

Before Vincent could do anything the boy ran off.

This is why Vincent doesn't have any children.

(End of the short drabble Chapter)


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